While riding the subway two nights ago, I asked my friend D. what his plans were for Saturday night, in a casually-brushing-it-off-kind-of-way he said, "oh I think I might have a date."
Something came over me and I snapped, "You think or you know?"
"I don't know...I just don't want to talk about it right now..." He was being extremely secretive with me. All I kept thinking was dude, just tell me that you have a date, I don't care. I just want to know if I should count on hanging out with you on Saturday night or not. But he just dropped it and it made me angrier.
Last night, I was telling my friend A. the conversation I had with D. and he asked, "why do you put so much emphasis on this holiday?"
"Maybe I just expected since it was my first Valentine's day in New York I would spend it with someone." I replied. "And all my previous Valentine's day I passed them alone, I thought this year would be different, I guess I was wrong."
He stared at me with this I-don't-know-what-to-tell-you-look, like figure it out. I think people who have been in a relationship for for years, can't seem to grasp the concept of being alone anymore. 'Cause why would they, they have someone to call, who thinks about them and puts them first. I want that. I really do. I'm tired of being single. That's why I'm hyper-sensitive about Valentine's Day, because I already know that I'm single, I don't need a special day in February to be remind that I'm single.
I'm just lonely, what can I say. It's been sometime since a guy that I liked, liked me back. I just long for the touch of a guy; to be hugged by him, to be kissed by him, to be loved by him. I know it's not to much to ask for, but apparently it seems that it might be.
I'll get over it. I normally do. It's just that time of the month, I guess you can say...