A City of Strangers

Stephen Sondheim wrote the following lyrics in his musical comedy Company, referring to how people in New York City could seem like complete strangers. "It's a city of strangers / Some come to work, some to play. / A city of strangers / Some come to stare, some to stay / And every day / The ones who stay / Can find each other in the crowded streets and the guarded parks..." Those lyrics have been lingering in my head for the past several days, which is making me realize that everyone in New York is a stranger, although it may not seem that way because we ride the subway or walk down the same avenues, but in fact we are strangers.

In a city where we're all on time schedule, heading towards a certain destination, how does one connect with another person? The connection that I'm talking about isn't a romantic one, but more on the friendship level. How does someone befriend an adult? I've been trying to figure that out every since I arrived.

It's not like it was when we where in the third grade when all it took to become friends with someone was as simple as just asking, "do you want to be friends?" And the reply was always the same, "Sure." When we were kids we weren't guarded or jaded. We said what was on our minds and we didn't apologize for it. I long for those days. The simpler days. The days when text messages weren't the only way to communicate with friends. The days when hanging out meant exactly that, hanging out; there wasn't a double meaning behind the phrase. 

I was on the subway a few weeks ago, I didn't have my iPOD with me and so I just sat there. In one of the stops two gay guys strolled in laughing. They sat across from me and I was instantly intrigued by them, so I did what any normal person would do in my iPOD-less situation, I ease-dropped. I believe they noticed and I don't think they cared. One had a killer laugh and the other a cute body; at one point they began talking about New York real estate, the one with the cute body was cracking jokes about the market and the one with the killer laugh was filling the subway car with his laugh. I too was chuckling. I felt like I had known both them for years. And that's when it dawned on me; I wanted to be friends with these two guys. But I nipped that crazy idea in the bud when the insecure voice in my heard started saying, "they're going to laugh in your face," or "their friend card is already filled." So I didn't say anything and watched them get off the train two stops before I was. 

This happened several weeks ago and I wished I had said something, because they both seem like great guys who I could've been friends with. If I ever see them on the subway again, I will make sure that we're not strangers because I will ask them if they want to be my friend and hope their reply is, "sure." 

A Better Place

One of the best things about living in New York is that on any single day you can go to any bar for happy hour. 

Last Thursday, happy hour took my friends Eli, Andre, and myself to Gym Sports Bar, located on Eighth Avenue between 18th and 19th Street in Chelsea. (Pictured above is an empty Gym Sports Bar). Next Magazine describes Gym Sports Bar as, "New York's first all-gay sports bar with two floors of jock action." Sounds tantalizing doesn't it? The bar reflects any typical straight sports bar that I've ever been to; the only difference is that this particular bar is geared towards the gays. And why not, we all like drink cheap beer and watch the basketball game after a long day at the office. 

When the three of us arrived we were greeted by unfriendly glances.  You can say we looked really "faggy" (I hate using that word), but we did compared to all the "macho" (again hate using that word) men that were drinking their four-dollar Heineken. Andre was carrying his belongings in a huge Gucci tote which was hitting the guys in the overly crowded bar. 

After ordering our drinks, we went outside because my friends are chimneys and some big buff guy rolls his eyes and says, "look at these fags coming in here with their designer bags." I didn't hear him say this; it was my friend Eli who brought the rude remark to my attention. "Isn't he also a fag?" I thought.  He is at a gay bar after all. What did he expect, for some straight dudes to bounce in after lacrosse practice? And doesn't this buff dude do the same things we Gucci tote carrying gays do in the bedroom? Yes he does. 

I can't comprehend why gay men have to discriminate within our community. If we don't treat each other as equals, will we ever really achieve equality? It has to start with us because if it doesn't then how can we expect the world to accept us. We're all fighting for the same thing, equality. The equality to be recognized as a human being. If we only realized that the strength is in numbers the world would be a better place.  

A Crossroad

Robert Frost once wrote, "Two roads diverged in a wood / And I took the one less traveled by / And that has made the difference." Sometimes in life we chose to go down roads that we think are the right ones. We see down that path and everything looks clear and bright, but then as time goes on, we come to the realization that we should've taken the other road, the road that was traveled by the rest. I've come to the conclusion that the road less traveled, the one I've been on, isn't as wonderful as Frost has painted it.

I'm currently at a crossroad in my life. Recently moved to New York. Recently graduated from graduate school. Currently looking for a job. When people ask me what I do, I like to sat that I'm a freelance writer; it makes me sound less pathetic and more independent. The crossroad that I'm currently on is leading me to reevaluate my life and the choices that I have made up to this point. I no longer have the safety net that school provided and that's frightening. It's something we all face when we graduate school, that uncertainty if things are going to be all right. While being in school I missed out on life experiences that everyone else was getting. And just today it dawned on me that having life experience is better than having two degrees. Who knew? No one told me; apparently my e-mail was lost somewhere in cyber land. I've been applying for numerous jobs and when I get to the skill section of the application, I have to pause, take a deep breath, and I ponder what skills do I really have? There's no box provided to check that I know how to write a well-structured play. Even the theatre jobs that I've been applying for don't want me, I'm not an ideal candidate because I'm lacking the LIFE EXPERIENCE!

My friend Adam gave me the best advice the other day, "anything you want in this city you have to find for yourself." That's exactly what I'm going to do now. I'm going to have to just put myself out there one-hundred-percent. I think people in New York forget what it's like to struggle when one first arrives to the city. When someone is clearly asking for help they don't want to extend a hand, they figure they should also struggle like they once did.

On a chipper note, I really do love living in New York. Last Friday night, I was walking by Columbus Circle and I looked up at the Time-Warner building and I got chills. I live here. I really do live here. And it's incredible! One of my dreams has come true - I always yearned to live in New York and now it's finally happened.

I'm not going to lie and say that it's been an easy transition because it's been rough. But there has been some amazing days though; like sitting in Central Park with Adam collaborating on a new project, to drinking sangria with Lauren and Elizabeth at Odessa Cafe in the Lower East Side, to witnessing an amazing play like August: Osage County, or my favorite passing out KY lube to all the gays for gay pride (yeah that was actually my first job - and yeah I got paid for it). Some days have been lonelier than others, but I know that I'm not alone because I have a strong group of friends who are there when I need them.

Overall, this road that I'm currently striding along is something that I'm never going to regret. This is home. This is where I belong. And this is where I'm going to make it. Hope is the last thing that dies, according to my grandma. I've always been a hopeful person; even when things get dark, there always seems to be a light at the end of the tunnel and that's where the hope lies.

20 New York Life Lessons

Here Are Several Things I've Learned While Living In New York:

1) Always be friendly to the host or hostess. They're you're meal ticket, literally.

2) If you carry a purse with you - there better be an umbrella and a costume change in there. "That's why we carry such big bags." - Brian (a gay New Yorker as to why the bags are so huge).

3) The R train will not take me directly home (so stop riding it), but it will take me to 34th Street or Times Square and I can transfer to the N/W.

4) The guys are hotter! And they're everywhere; waiting for the subway, running shirtless at eight pm on Ditmars Boulevard, sitting in Union Square reading The New Yorker, sipping a martini at Therapy on a Wednesday night, bartending at G-bar...ay me...the possibilities are endless...where are my business cards, seriously?

5) I can only buy what I can carry. Which is probably good for my wallet right now.

6) "Thursdays are the new Fridays. Fridays are the new Saturdays and Saturday is still...well...Saturday." - Adam (describing how New Yorkers party).

7) You can't get lost in the city; it's an island you'd fall off when you get to the end.

8) Always carry CASH with you; especially if you're in a Chelsea bar, they don't take ATM.

9) You can meet people really easily here. All you have to do is talk and smile. Who knew?

10) West of Manhattan the avenues go higher. East of Manhattan the avenues go lower.

11) North of Manhattan the streets go higher. South of Manhattan the streets go lower. (That took me about a month to get and a million times asking Adam and Christov, but they were patient).

12) There is always something to do on any single night of the week.

13) Oscar asks Matthew, "How does someone stay looking fresh and cute in this humidity?" Matthew replies, "You don't. We all do that dirty, grungy, sweaty look in the summer." (Oscar nods his head in disapproval).

14) There are NO FREE REFILLS!

15) I noticed that everything is about one to two dollars more expensive than on the West Coast.

16) "Williamsburg boys wear tapered jeans and have complicated haircuts." - Eli (referring to the gay boys in Williamsburg, Brooklyn as we were waiting for the G train).

17) This city is extremely romantic, I can't wait to start dating.

18) It always seems to rain between one and four p.m.

19) I need to keep my student ID; it will get me cheaper tickets to Broadway shows. Which means I will be a student at the age of thirty-five and that's fine with me.

20) "You're never alone in the city." - Carrie Bradshaw (And boy was she right).

(Times Square, June 2008)