The Roles We Play in this Game Called Life

All of us whether we know it or not play roles in our daily lives. Some of those roles are given to us by birth; we are either son or daughter. Some roles we chose in our path of life; we become a husband, a wife, a doctor, an artist. Other roles are appointed to us whether we know it or not, by our characteristics as a person. The latter is the role that I'm starting to discover I'm disliking.

The role that people have often referred to describe me has been, "Oscar's cute (not hot), funny (not clever), and a really fashionable (not a trendsetter) guy." I've never really had a problem with this role, I have always embraced it. It started to bother me when I moved to New York and encountering gay men who are either funnier, more fashionable, and cuter than me. I think that I might be going through an identity crisis...like they all have my role? What do I do now? Who am I?

How do we break out of these roles if this is all we've ever known? Can we break from them at any point? Do we have the liberty to do that? Or are we doomed to play them for the rest of our lives? Until we discover another role that we fit better.

The other facet of my cute, funny, fashionable role is when meeting guys who I see as potential boyfriends, they tend to see me as just a "friend". And I fit the role of the "friend" like an old pair of gloves; I'm always reliable, I give great advice, partly because I'm a great listener. In some ways I'm to blame; it's my defense mechanism. When I meet a guy that I really like and I start to notice that he's leading more into the friendship realm, I never really let him know how I feel because I fear that he may not feel the same way, whether that's true or not. I'm just afraid to get hurt. But who isn't right? 

So why don't I just accept this role and move on? Because I want another role, the role of both boyfriend and friend; when a guy can see me as both roles, it'll be a great day.