Gay Online Dating: The Good, the Bad, & the Horribly Misspelled Profiles

In my journey to find my significant other I have opted out to search for him online. I've heard plenty of successful stories of people who have met online, so I figured why not give it a shot and see what happens. In this new found journey I joined connexion.org. This site was recommended by a friend, who had some tantalizing experiences, so after his convincing testimonials, I rushed home and joined like it was going out of style.

It's been a month since I became a member and I've yet to go on any dates. My online dating is worse than my real life dating. (Although my real life dating is going pretty good so far). I've come to the realization that the more skin one shows on these sites the more one will get a response. (Wait a minute, isn't that the definition of shallow?) I mean, I am showing off skin; I'm wearing a tank top on my profile picture, and that's the only skin you're going to get from me. I want to be mysterious.

Last night, I received an e-mail notice from connexion.org, I got uber excited thinking someone had messaged me and my dateless online streak would be over, but when I logged on, to my surprise it was not a message from some hunky guy saying how much he wanted to ravish my body, but a notice to one of the features on the site. (Que rude!) So I began perusing some of the profiles and that's when the rest of this blog entry was born. My roommate suggested that I compose a blog compiling all the ridiculous quotes that guys put on that dating site.

So here's the good, the bad, and the horribly misspelled of what guys are putting on their dating profiles.

from CONNEXION.ORG:

(1.) This was a comment left from D. to G.:
"STAY AWAY FROM HIM, BITCHES! He's MINE -- ALL MINE. AND I WILL HUNT YOU DOWN & KILL YOU IF YOU EVEN SO MUCH AS I.M. HIM.
G: LOG OFF THIS EVIL SITE RIGHT NOW.
-jealous Taurus"

(2.) This was found in the ABOUT ME Section:
"I am gay, but pretty straight acting. I like dudes...I don't mind flamers, but you better be wicked cute. I like to drink Stoli and I hate beer because there are too many carbs...I love CK underwear because that* make my package look phenomenal...I love men in jock straps..."

(3.) This was in the WANT TO MEET Section:
"Someone with a great ass, tons of money, a non-feline domesticated animal, and a library. Must possess the ability to make me laugh uproariously. Hee hee. Or- be nice, and we can work on the other stuff later."

(4.) This was in the WANT TO MEET Section:
"I want a man who's kind and understanding. Is that too much to ask of a millionaire?

(5.) This was found in the ABOUT ME Section:
"190 lbs of gym time..."

(6.) This was found in the ABOUT ME Section:
"Flirting is hot--Rudeness is not... Conversation is an art form...are you still using crayons??"

(7.) This was in the WANT TO MEET Section: (This one is not bad at all, in fact it's the opposite, I wanted to add it because I fell in love with him, and he was on a popular reality show last season).
"Someone with some flavor. Someone honest who says what they think and does what they say. Someone who actually wants to meet someone rather than just receive validation. Someone who doesn't text message incessantly. If you like some of the stuff I like and are not afraid to embrace the gayness then that's a start. Honestly if you're not funny or at least a good audience then I will get bored pretty quickly. I also appreciate a dirty mind a potty mind. A top would be nice. I don't know what I'm looking for. Just that guy. You know him. That guy."

(*Note the misspelled words and bad grammar that these guys use.)