Street (A Poem)

Yesterday while I was going through some old stuff that I've written I came across two poems that I wrote while I was a senior in college in 2004. Here's the first poem . . . 

STREET

The sunlight dries the damp streets in the Village

As the sound of the bus echoes

Surrounding the coldness of a winter's morning.

Gazing through the window of the seventh story

Walk up apartment, seeing the cars parked

Wondering every morning who drives them.

The smell of the coffee shop downstairs creeps

Through the open window, scoffing at me. I recall

All those childhood dreams I once possessed.

The wind slowly picks up, blowing the newspapers

Which surround the bodega on the corner.

The baby next door screeches louder than a marching band.

I ache to escape this life I'm leading, but somehow

Every time I've tried, I come back.

Am I addicted to the routine? Or am I just a masochist?

The sunlight dries the damp streets in the Village

As the sound of the bus echoes

Surrounding the coldness of a winter's morning.

A Dream

I had a dream last night . . . 

I was in a cave, glancing at my angel's face, wondering what we were doing there. 

"I have to leave you," he whispered.

And then he disappeared, leaving me alone in that dreary cave. 

I rushed after him in the darkness, not knowing where I was headed

I yelled, but it was pointless, I was alone. Alone again.

Exhaustion took over my limbs and I drifted into a long sleep.

I was awaken by a soft breeze that caressed my hair

I looked around and there were trees as tall as sky scrapers.

I wondered how long I'd been in this Forrest and how I got here. 

A voice called out to me. It was familiar, it was angelic, it was his. 

"You left me," I struggled to get out. "Alone in that cave." 

He smiled, "I would never leave you," he whispered in my ear, "For I will always be with you, in the darkest of caves, in the brightest of meadows. I will always be with you."

He kissed my forehead and glided off.

"I will always be with you," his words lingered in my head as I woke up this morning to the rain thumping against my window . . . "I will always be with you. . ."

A Crush

A crush can arise unexpectedly. It can creep at you while you're both walking down Ninth Avenue and you catch a glimpse of his smile; a smile you've never seen before, but that seems extremely familiar. 

A crush is receiving a text and wondering if it's wise to wait ten minutes to reply.

A crush is innocent . . . fresh . . . immaculate.

A crush can disappoint you without his acknowledgement.

A crush is only thinking about him when you're surrounded in a bar by attractive guys.

A crush can make you act neurotic.

A crush is someone who you dream about at night and the reason you wake up in the morning.

A crush is being able to recall a story from a previous conversation you had, proving you were listening.

A crush is someone who's eyes tell you more than what his lips say.

A crush is over analyzing a text for meaning and subtext.

A crush is something I haven't felt in awhile. 

And I'm scared . . .  scared to tell him . . . 

. . . scared that he won't feel the same way.

 

Do I risk the chance of losing him as a friend or risk the chance of gaining him as more than a friend?

A crush is hope . . . a hope I thought I'd buried deep down . . . 

"The Seagull" on Broadway

Last Wednesday, I had the opportunity to see Anton Chekhov's The Seagull with Kristin Scott Thomas and Peter Sarsgaard, directed by Ian Rickson. The Seagull has always been one of my favorite Chekhov plays and to have the opportunity to see it performed by a talented group of actors and an amazing direction was something I had to witness.

Close to the finale of the play, the character of Nina tells Treplev (also referred to as Kostya) that she finally understands what it is to be an actress. 

Nina: I know now, I understand Kostya, that in our work - and it's all the same, whether we're acting or writing - the main thing is not fame, not glory, the things I dreamed about, but the ability to endure. To endure whatever trials fate has in store for you without losing faith in yourself. I have that faith now, I don't feel as much pain, and when I remember my vocation, I'm not even afraid of life.          (Chekhov, Act IV)  

To endure . . .  that's what life is about. I'm glad that I was reminded of that while watching The Seagull. "To endure whatever trials fate has in store for you without losing faith in yourself." This is something that as artists we need to remind ourselves constantly.  

Subway Etiquette: 5 Simple Rules

All New Yorkers have to ride the subway to get to any place in the city. At times though, it feels that people forget their subway etiquette, so here are 5 Simple Rules to refresh anyone's memory on what to do when riding the subway.

Rule 1:

While listening to your iPOD keep the volume down & don't hum along to the song. That's why you're wearing headphones, so we don't have to listen to it.

Rule 2:

If a performer comes on to your car, don't tap your foot in enjoyment, unless you're willing to pay. And they'll expect money for their entertainment.

Rule 3:

Always offer your seat to an elderly person and/or a woman with a child and a stroller.

Rule 4:

When the doors open and a million people are trying to get in, if you happen to be standing by the doors, please move in! Stop crowding the door, it's rude!

Rule 5:

If you don't want to give up your seat, put on your headphones and act like your sleeping. (Unless this violates Rule 3.)

If all New Yorkers were to follow these simple rules, our subway riding experience would be more enjoyable! 

Saturday Night + Me = LAME!

This is the second weekend in a row that I spend it at home . . . and . . . all alone, mind you.

This is what I did last night . . .  I ate Chinese take-out. Watched "Ghost Whisperer" & "Lipstick Jungle" while folding laundry. Checked my E-mail. Read "Twilight" and went to bed. 

Well today I find myself doing the exact same thing. I am so boring right now. I feel so domestic and I'm not sure why. I'm going to blame the weather; it's gloomy and wet and I'm listening to Matt Nathanson, which always puts me in a good, but nostalgic mood.

My friend D just text me, he's out on the town and he has TWO dates tonight, yes he double booked, and I can't even get ONE! What's wrong with this picture? I live in New York City for crying out loud and I'm at home on a Saturday night, getting ready for bed (and it's only 9:24 PM). I'm also really curious to find out what's going to happen between Bella Sawnson and Edward Cullen. Oh my, if this isn't the definition of a homebody, I don't know what is. 

I need to get out of my apartment! 

I need to go out to a bar and meet a guy!

"I need to put on a tight skirt / And flirt with a stranger"

(Thanks for that Jonathan Larson)

I need to change this pattern fast before I look at my youth and wonder were it went.

Oh geez, I'm so not looking forward to the Winter if this is how I'm feeling in the Fall.

(Sighs)

Reprising A Role

For the past three years I've been teaching undergrads as part of my job in grad school. When I graduated in May that stopped. It's been about six months since I've taught anything and I feel hallow. There's something about being in front of a classroom; lecturing on theatre, teaching non-actors how to act, discussing gay plays and looking at how they influenced the history of theatre, that I dearly miss.

Well . . . starting tomorrow . . . I will reprise that role. I'm walking into the same situation that I stepped in over three years ago; I'm going to be a one-on-one tutor for kids K-12. I don't know if I'm going to be a good tutor and that petrifies me. I'm not going to lie, but I will rise to the occasion. These kids and their parents are depending on me and I will not let them down. I didn't let my undergrads down and I will not let these young kids down either.

I may not have all the answers and that's all right. Saying, "I don't know, but I'll find out for you," isn't a flaw, it's a actually a strength that took me time to polish. 

I recently got hired by Young Playwrights Inc., an organization founded by Stephen Sondheim in the early 80s. Through Young Playwrights Inc., I'll be attending high schools and middle schools, teaching Playwriting to young playwrights. I'm really looking forward to this experience; I'll be teaching something that I love and a craft that I'm still narrowing down. I really believe in the organization's mission and what they're all about.

My ultimate teaching goal is to give classes at Columbia and/or NYU. I know that it will happen in the not so near future. I work hard for what I want . . . it will take time, that I know . . . but it will happen. If being a teacher has taught me anything is to persevere and have patience.